How to calm the f*ck down - tips for dealing with anxiety

Let’s be real - we all experienced some level of anxiety during those pitch-black February afternoons (yes, afternoon) of quarantine. And even though the world is starting to get back to semi-normal, anxiety isn’t going anywhere. I figured it was time to put together a quick little ~ toolkit~ of things that help me when I’m anxious that, hopefully, can help some other people too. 

If they work for you? Awesome! If they don’t? Also cool. Use what works and ditch what you don’t need (which I’m assuming that’s what you would do anyway, but it seemed like a snappier intro if I added a cool catchphrase - looking back it’s not actually that cool though. Okay. Moving on.) 

Here are some ways I calm the f*ck down :) 

Talk to a friend 

Whenever I’m freaking out or can feel myself going into a spiral/general dark place, I try to call a friend. That friend is usually my mom, but can also be one of these types of people;

  • The listener 

    • Angel humans who are fine with you calling them out of the blue to talk about, or through, your shit. Pro tip; try having someone in the same time zone as you. Mine currently lives across the world so I’ve really been trying to only have an existential crisis at specific times mid-day on the weekends when she’s probably awake and free to chat.

    • It can feel normal to feel like you’re being a “burden”, but I can assure you that 99 percent of the time you aren’t (and no, don’t put yourself in that other 1 percent, I know how anxious brains work).

    • Ask yourself, “would I think this person is being annoying/would I like them less if they did the exact same thing?” If it’s a friend worth keeping around, the answer is no. 

    • Some people have a hard time talking about their feelings/asking for help because they feel like a burden, but a good friend won’t make you feel that way. It’s super important to note that you're also there for this friend when they need it - it needs to be a two-way street. 

  • The distractor 

    • Can also be the listener, or just the person who can ramble on for twenty minutes about some obscure topic (like why Oklahoma is called the sooner state, honestly it’s fascinating). Sometimes I feel like it’s just helpful to be reminded that there’s other shit going on in the world besides the thing you’re thinking about - call whoever can remind you of that. 

  • Your therapist

    • Like the literal professional you are seeing. Don’t use a friend solely as a therapist. Your listener friend is not your therapist. They just have those kinds of capabilities and can assume that role when you need them to, and you would do the exact same thing for them. 

    • Like many, I don’t have my therapist on speed dial (anymore). So, in spontaneous moments of anxiety, you may not be able to get in touch with them right away. I’ve found it’s way easier to go to therapy regularly so you have the skills to deal with shitty moments. If you need to talk to a professional/get some objective guidance right away, don’t just wait until your next session, check out these resources and reach out for help. 

Dance 

“One pair of dancing shoes size nine please?” I know, I have surprisingly large feet for such a slow swimmer.

This may sound like a scene out of risky business, and yes. It kind of is. I don’t think I really need to explain this one; just blast your favourite music, go against every instinct your body has to crawl back into bed/sit in your anxiety and lipsync (or scream sing) for your life. 

Cry 

There is truly nothing better than a good cry. Seriously. 

  • A 2014 study showed that crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps you relax. 

  • Also, crying from your emotions releases oxytocin and endorphins - the chemical that not only makes people feel good but could help people release both physical and emotional pain. 

  • It even helps fight bacteria because the tears have a funky fluid (called lysozyme) that can clean your eyes. 

  • And finally, basal tears that get released when you cry help keep the eyes moist preventing the mucous membranes from drying out - and WE ALL KNOW what happens when those bad boys are moist (I’m sorry but it was either that or lubricated and neither is a good option), you see more clearly. 

Long story short - may improve your vision and can help release your anxiety. Makes sense why I’ve never needed glasses. 

Write it down 

It’s hard to feel grounded and stable when you’re anxious. You can’t get to the root of the problem when your thoughts are racing a million miles a minute. Writing down my thoughts (what I eloquently refer to as a brain dump) is a great way to figure out what’s going on. It’s also nice to have it written down because then you can see just how illogical some of the things you’re freaking out about are - it’s like looking back at your diary from third grade. Yikes. 

Distract yourself 

Do whatever you have to do to get out of your head. Yes, you may want to over-analyze every possible scenario that you’re thinking of - but no amount of thinking can change the future or the past. I find that if I can even get out of my head for five minutes I feel better. 

My go-to’s

  • Tik Tok

    • Sad, I know. But who cares, some of that shit is gold. Specifically, the cool dancing side of Tik Tok is AMAZING for this because my brain literally can’t comprehend how people move like that. You can also look up a funny video, go back to your favourite vine compilation, watch this cat video that still makes me cackle - you get the idea.

  • Going for a walk 

    • I find when I’m really anxious I feel physically frozen. Changing the scenery and moving a little bit helps me start to think clearly again. 

  • Reading 

    • Go trashy here, I’m not about to pick up Tolstoy during an existential crisis. Pick something that doesn’t take a lot of brainpower to comprehend. Comedian’s autobiographies are great for this, also Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson. 

  • Knitting

    • Not to flex but when I was in rehab my purl stitch was looking FINE. Really any activity where you’re using your hands (get your head out of the gutter) and a little bit of brainpower is a good way to direct your attention outside the shit show happening in your mind. Sudoku, crossword puzzles, literal puzzles, painting - basically any kind of game you would find in a child’s waiting room at a doctors office is gold. 

Don’t feel bad for FEELING

We’re coming out of a global pandemic! We’ve gotten so used to the idea that you need to be happy and perfect 24/7 or else there’s something wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you. Life comes with feelings, I’ve tried numbing everything out and trust me, it doesn’t work. Sure, you may not feel the bad stuff, but you never get to experience the good either. You end up stuck in this sad little controlled bubble, or rehab in my case. Either way, no bueno.

Don’t feel bad for just FEELING! You don’t need “fixing” - all anxiety serves some kind of a purpose. Acknowledge your anxiety is there, see why it came up, and don’t beat yourself up for being a human and feeling.

For more resources check out these sites. 

Hope something on this list helps! Remember you’re not alone. If you have some you think should be in the article, leave a comment. 

LIFE THOUGHTS, RECOVERYKate Farrell