11.22.19 // Appearances

We try to find that perfect photo 

You know 

The one that shows everyone you’re doing great 

That you didn’t actually spend the whole day refreshing pixels on a rectangular screen 

Fighting off panic attacks 

Thinking of ways to get rid of the rolls on your stomach 

The fat on your cheeks 

And the bounce in your thighs 

The one that tells everyone how much you have it together, 

Even if you did 

You’d never say that

you’d probably make some self-deprecating comment about your privilege 

The annoyance of having a body strong enough to work out in 

How bad the weather is, even though you actually love 

the way rain sounds 

on a metal roof 

Complaining about your 9-5 when you’re really happy 

to be in an office and not an inpatient ward  

It sounds bleak, so we don’t say it 

And it’s not a bad thing to feel this way

The feelings come in waves 

the tide gets pulled back out as quickly as it comes in 

And so we say we’re fine 

To get fake compliments from people 

Who wouldn’t even talk to you on the street 

To make ourselves feel better about 

the people 

We’re pretending to be

I guess I’m just tired 

Of playing that game 

source - Pinterest